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The Holy Duct Tape of Atenveldt

The Holy Duct Tape of Atenveldt (With thanks and apologies to Monty Python)

Kedivor Tal mab Cadwgan


The book of armaments, the lost chapter, verses 9-31.  In the ancient days of our society’s founders, was made a wondrous discovery.  The names of those right noble, divinely inspired gentles have long since passed from the common knowledge.  Their discovery, more valuable than gold or jewels, having provided devoted service, was named in the much abused Latin:  Taporium Ductus, becoming known in the vernacular as Duct tape.  Upon seeing the miraculous abilities of the artifact, the Baron of Atenveldt raised the Duct Tape on high, saying, ‘Oh Lord, bless this thy duct tape, that with it thou mayst repair the armor and weapons of this fair land’s army.


And the Lord did grin, and the populace did repair the gorgets, pauldrons, rerebraces, vambraces, cuisses, greaves, shields, broadswords, daggers, bucklers, maces, javelins, halberds, pikes, axes, war hammers, corsets, basket handles, cloak clasps, Cotehardies seams, tents, furniture, feast gear, stairways, recorked wine bottles, punished squires (especially drunken squires), taped heralds’… perhaps I should skip a bit Your (Excellency, Highness, Majesty), it is a long text.

And the Lord spake, saying “First shalt thou remove the holy wrapping.  Then shalt thou find the beginning of the roll.  Once the beginning is found, then shalt thou tear off a strip using thy hands or if need be thy teeth.  There shall be no cheating by use of scissors or other sharp object.  To cut the Holy Duct Tape in such a manner, is to remove its miraculous all purpose powers.  Thus it shall be made to stick to itself, and to the instrument of defilement.  Once repaired and rearmed, sendest thou thy army against thy foe, who being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.”